Sunday, December 17, 2006

Sunday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging, Part II

Those of you familiar with the Weekly World News know about their op-ed columnist, Ed Anger. Every time I've read him he's sounded like an absolutely insane, over-the-top, flag-waving reactionary. One might even suspect that he might possibly be a parody.
But imagine my surprise when I saw this in this week's My America column ("All I want for Christmas is accountability!"):
Folks, normally I'm the angriest guy around. But the recent election results have turned my scowl into a smile.

No, it's not because the Democrats beat the Republican party. I'm an Independent. It's because there will finally be a reckoning.

In case you've been in hibernation, the Republican Party received what George Bush called "a thumping" as Democrats took control of both the Senate and the House of Representatives. Immediately, Bush's architect of the Iraq War, Donald Rumsfeld, resigned. What took you so long, Donald? People were dying while you were collecting your paycheck.

With two years remaining of Dubya's administration, there's plenty of time for the newly-elected Congress to investigate what's been going on for the past six years. That's why I've put together my very own What Ed Wants For Christmas List!

First of all, there's the matter of Dick Cheney - from his shooting folks without a license to lining the pockets of his former employers with billions - that's billions - of dollars in no bid Iraq war and post-Katrina contracts.

Second, I'm sure you all remember those Iraqi weapons of mass destruction and how there weren't any to be found? The American people were sold a heap of lies to promote a war to control the cost of oil and gas. I want to know who was behind that. I'm betting that once Congress starts holding investigative hearings, Cheney'll take a hint and resign. Because of his heart or something.

Third, I want someone to take a hard look at the rights we're surrendering for the dubious value of the Patriot Act. Benjamin Franklin said that folks who surrender liberty for security deserve neither.

Fourth, I want to know why we've spent billions - that's billions - to rebuild Iraq when our shores are still vulnerable to attack. That money could have been used for bomb and radiation detectors, police, security systems... things that would have made us safer. Oh, and also rebuilt New Orleans. Nothing the administration has done has achieved either of those goals.

Frankly, Mr. Bush is more than a lame duck - his goose is cooked. Now I'm not one of those people who want the Democrats to start talking about 'impeachment' to get these criminals out of office. Their ability to hurt us will be curtailed when the new Congress is seated in January. Impeachment would waste valuable time, as it did during the Clinton Administration. Perhaps if he'd been allowed to focus more on Osama and less on Monica, this country would be better off.

No - I want to see these specific con jobs investigated and all the con artists exposed. When they resign and go away in shame; when the farce can end, and our troops can be reunited with their families; those will be the best Christmas gifts of all.
Wow. I mean, when Republicans have lost Ed Anger...

On the other hand, I see lots of signs that WWN has remade its image, and it appears to be distancing itself from its mock appeal to the right-wing trailer park stereotype, so maybe Ed Anger's been a pig-bitingly angry liberal for months or years, and I just never heard about it...


Or there might be a simpler (and sadder) explanation...

5 comments:

spocko said...

You know the Ed Anger bit is very interesting. And knowing now that he was a parody by a left wing type that wasn't determined to BE a parody by the right winger reading it makes it all the more sad and funny. Like Mike Judge who created Bevis and Butthead, who was so sad when kids came up to him to tell them how much they were like Bevis or Butthead or how much they admired them.
Judge said that he just wanted to shake them. "Bevis and Butthead are IDIOTS! Don't EMULATE THEM you IDIOTS!"

I actually love the bit about people writing into the psychic to find their car keys. It reminds me of my favorite April fools joke.
Send someone in another city this email on April 1.

Hey Eli:
Your shoe is untied!
LLAP
Spocko

Donna said...

Oh boy! Two Weekly World News posts and it's not even wednesday! You can't help but love the Bat Boy. Everyone loves him!

My oldest son is autistic, but also something called hyperlexia, which means he is advanced in reading. He's been reading since he was 2, even before he was talking. Anyway, when he was a little older he liked reading newspapers, and my father bought him a Weekly World News. He believed everything he read, because, well, it says it's the NEWS, so it can't be lies! Yeah, thanks alot grandpa...

oldwhitelady said...

Now, that's an article! I hope a lot of people read it and remember the crap that's gone on during this admin! I wonder how many are still proud they voted for them?

sunrunner said...

Lol, Eli...

I see lots of signs that WWN has remade its image, and it appears to be distancing itself from its mock appeal to the right-wing trailer park stereotype, so maybe Ed Anger's been a pig-bitingly angry liberal for months or years, and I just never heard about it...

Or maybe Ed keeps his finger moistened and in the wind and trailer park people have proved the old Bush aphorism (you can fool me once etc) and has decided that if he wants them to keep buttering his toast he better change his tune.

And yeah Donna, that Bat Boy--I wonder how he voted!

Eli said...

And knowing now that he was a parody by a left wing type that wasn't determined to BE a parody by the right winger reading it makes it all the more sad and funny.

You couldn't tell Ed Anger was parody???


He believed everything he read, because, well, it says it's the NEWS, so it can't be lies! Yeah, thanks alot grandpa...

Hee. I just hope he didn't read any Ed Anger.

I hope a lot of people read it and remember the crap that's gone on during this admin!

I do hope Ed's constituency are taking it to heart.


Or maybe Ed keeps his finger moistened and in the wind and trailer park people have proved the old Bush aphorism (you can fool me once etc) and has decided that if he wants them to keep buttering his toast he better change his tune.

It's possible - but there are other signs that WWN is kindler & gentler, like getting rid of Dear Dotti (probably *also* Ed Clontz) the abusive advice columnists. Now their advice columnists all give halfway decent advice, which is kinda boring.