Icky Mantle

Blech. Judith "If I Did If I Did It" Regan has nine lives and zero shame. The bottomfeeder-di-tutti-bottomfeeders, America's premier purveyor of shit that I won't eat, is going after Mickey Mantle now:

The memory of Mickey Mantle will be sullied by ReganBooks in a "biographical novel" that has the Mick recounting an imagined past replete with pornographic passages and foul jokes.

Author Peter Golenbock admits that much of "7: The Mickey Mantle Novel" - including a steamy scene where Mantle beds Marilyn Monroe behind Joe DiMaggio's back - are based on "not documentable" stories.

The publisher gives this description of the novel's premise: "Mickey finds himself in heaven - much to his surprise - and realizes he's carrying a huge burden around with him. He needs to tell someone all the horrible things he did."

So Golenbock does it for Mantle in 286 lurid pages, some of which read like they were ripped from the pages of Penthouse Forum.

(...)

Golenbock describes Mantle succumbing to Monroe's charms, even as she "just lies there staring at him with cold, accusing eyes" while they are having sex.

Mantle expresses no remorse in cuckolding DiMaggio. "What had he ever done for me?" he says.

(...)

Former Yankee pitching star Whitey Ford said the idea that Mantle would seduce Monroe "is the stupidest thing I ever heard."

"We met her once at a ballpark in St. Petersburg, Fla., and Joe was with her," Ford told The News. "Mickey was too bashful to say hello to her."

But at least Golenbock is honest about something...

Golenbock... makes his reasons for writing this book clear in the prologue, where he imagines himself talking with Mantle.

"Maybe this is the book that will make me rich," he writes. "I'll publish the raunchiest book about you, and my guess is it'll be a smash because no one has ever written a book like this before."

Yeah, this is totally something the world can't live without. Judy Regan is performing a valuable public service.

Seriously, what's it gonna take to make this woman go away? Is there any limit to this country's appetite for lies and sleaze? Wait, don't answer that.