Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

Space aliens from Vega? Why, that would make them...
Larry Weald returned home yesterday to a scene of chaos in his refrigerator.

"It was as if someone had taken a scalpel to the takeout box," Weald said of his mutilated order of steamed tofu. Neighboring containers of soy sauce and low-calorie dressing were unharassed.

Police investigation of the refrigerator uncovered heightened levels of radiation. "My pocket sandwiches had fully cooked in the freezer compartment," Weald said.

"Whatever did this must have come through the walls," said Weald.

Police confirm that Weald's security system, deadbolt, and chain lock functioned perfectly throughout the night of the mutilation.

Efforts to conduct video surveillance at the crime scene have been frustrated by darkness inside the refrigerator.

However, NASA researchers believe that the tofu mutilators' origin may be otherworldly.

"There have been increased reports of crop circles in soybean fields, and of UFO sightings near the star Vega," a NASA source revealed.

Investigators say that Weald's is the strangest kitchen incursion since the Beef-Stock Mutilations of 1979, which claimed over 150 Nebraskan bouillon cubes.

I had no idea there was this much specialization among mutilator aliens.

3 comments:

Sanjay said...

whaddya have against aliens having their fetishes? ;-)

Donna said...

Boullion cube mutilations? Why is this the first time I am hearing of an important story like this? I feel so isolated.

Once you told me about the Wednesday Weekly World News blogging I knew I had to pop in, and I am not disappointed. I still say that you will break out of the pack if you also do Globe Thursday blogging.

Eli said...

The problem with Globe blogging is that they don't post stories online. So I have to buy the paper and type everything in the hard way.