Atman University has challenged its reincarnated students this fall by offering the world's most advanced graduate degrees.
"Students who retain knowledge from past lives can explore subjects with much greater breadth than is possible in an ordinary doctoral program," said Professor L. Chandra Rao, the university's Aeternus Chair of Ancient, Early Modern, Modern, and Contemporary American, European, Asian, African, Australian, and Antarctic History.
"That's why we now offer the post-post-post-postdoctorate degree, or PPPPPhD."
Coursework for the new degree is unprecedentedly difficult, and includes Rao's own notorious class, "Ancient History for Eyewitnesses."
"Students usually require between four and eight lifetimes to receive their diplomas," Rao said.
The school provides an extensive library in which students may find dusty copies of their own writings from former lives.
"This helps enormously with the completion of the students' dissertations, which must be between 2 and 20 million words in length," Rao said.
Atman University also maintains an open policy on transferring credits from past schools. Transcripts on punch cards, clay tablets, and olive leaves from Plato's Academy were all honored this year.
"And there's no minimum age requirement," Rao explained. "One student's memory of past lives is so clear that he enrolled before most of his fellows had begun kindergarten."
Alas, if I had any former lives, I'm pretty sure they were all useless dumbasses who didn't witness anything interesting.