Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

(Is that Bruce Campbell?)

The Swiss are precise about everything:
BIENNE, Switzerland -- Here in the world's watchmaking capital, five o'clock shadow appears on men's faces at precisely five o'clock, according to a new study by the Swiss Health Council.

"It's nothing new in this country," said Dr. Pascal Schmid, who has reviewed centuries of Swiss medical literature.

Dr. Schmid traces the timely stubble to Geneva in the 1500s, when the unfamiliar din of clocktower bells literally scared the hair out of men's faces during working hours.

In more recent years, the depilatory effects of glow-in-the-dark radium dial paint spread for miles around timepiece factories.

"At closing time, workers sealed the paint away in sturdy cabinets, and facial hair was free to grow again," Dr. Schmid explained.

Nowadays, exposure to the pulsing electric fields from Switzerland's countless modern watches affects the release of human epidermal growth factor -- a protein controlling hair length.

"Until recently, none of this was thought to cause any wider genetic mutations," Schmid said. "However, we're looking at evidence that quartz and radium exposure may have affected the Swiss gene pool."

"We're seeing a lot of babies born with asymmetrical limbs in this country--usually a little hand and a big hand," he said.
Behind every cliche, there is always some very solid and reputable science.


Sanjay said...

LOL. Question is why did this not happen to women?

op99 said...

It did. Just not on our faces.

kyklops said...

op99: I'm laughing... very funny!

This 5 o'clock shadow thing sounds just plausible enough to incorporate into my "Canon of Bullshit".
What? You don't have your own canons of bullshit?

Eli said...

We use a catapult.