Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

Once again, the Weekly World News gets the scoop before anyone else:
The producers of FOX TV's hit drama, 24, can count one more viewer among the show's loyal audience -- President George Bush! The Emmy Awardwinning show stars Kiefer Sutherland as counterterrorism agent Jack Bauer.

"The President had watched a few shows over the years, but he had trouble understanding the main concept, in which a single day's activities are stretched across a full season," confided a White House insider.

"Finally, trusted adviser Karl Rove sat Mr. Bush down and slowly explained it, in much the same way he does foreign policy, domestic policy and how cell phones work. He said, 'The show is about a counterterrorism unit within the U.S. government, protecting the country from foreign and domestic terrorists.' The President's eyes lit up. He finally understood and has been a loyal fan ever since."

In fact, Bush has become such a big fan that he reportedly asked the producers to let him guest-star as one of the counterterrorism agents alongside Sutherland's Jack Bauer.

Two weeks later, according to the insider, the producers delivered to the White House a script featuring President Bush as special agent Eddie Burke, who ends up single-handedly "taking out" an entire gang of terrorists.

Bush was just about to commit to the part when Rove put a damper on it. "He explained that it would be confusing and distracting for the American public to see their President packing heat and talking into his sleeve," said our source.

After Rove explained it four more times to the President, and two times after that very slowly, Bush finally understood. Grumpily, he informed the producers that he would not be guest-starring.

Bush is currently trying to figure out a way he can guest-star on the show as himself, even though the show already has a U.S. President. "I don't see that as an obstacle," Bush told Rove. "I see it as an opportunity."
I like the references to Rove carefully and laboriously explaining things to The Comprehender-In-Chief.


karmic_jay said...

LOL.. loved it. I have to get with the weekly world news thing man!

Eli said...

They really do have a wealth of great material, and I think they do as well as or better than The Onion at staying a few steps ahead of reality.

I actually had a subscription, about 15 years ago...

SB Gypsy said...

Responding to the fact that you always post those Fitz comments on firedoglake: give it up. Fitz is a republican, and republicans don't speak truth to power - they make excuses.

I'm so over hoping that "Fitzmas" will ever come.

Eli said...

That's kind of a when-in-Rome thing, actually - I'm not sure FDL is ready for "I pinch."

Fitzmas ended for me when he basically cleared Rove. Even if he nailed Cheney and/or Bush, I don't count it as a net plus if Rove is free to keep lying and smearing and fear/hatemongering the Republicans to electoral victories.

That being said, I think Fitz has a lot more integrity than you give him credit for, and I think he will do as much damage as he possibly can.

Elmo said...

I so hope Bush goes behind Rove's back and makes that episode.

Eli said...

I don't. His base would just think he was even more badass than he is now.

Elmo said...

Damn, that's a good point.