ALL of Hollywood is abuzz with the incredible rumor that an actual Bigfoot will join the cast of the hit HBO series The Sopranos playing a mob boss called Biggy the Foot.I might have to start watching The Sopranos now. I wonder if Bigfoot could get a spot on Deadwood...
Weekly World News has acquired a copy of the script, in which Biggy the Foot arrives in New Jersey to challenge Tony Soprano's power and position. There is also a romantic sub-plot in which Biggy the Foot seduces Tony's wife, Carmela, when Tony is away at the Bada Bing nightclub. As Carmela melts into his arms, he growls, "Once you've tried Biggy the Foot, you can never go back." Later, Tony confronts Carmella, screaming at her, "What is it -- I'm not @#*$%& hairy enough for you!?"
In another powerful scene, Tony and Biggy the Foot meet for the first time:
Tony: What is it you want, Biggy, you fat @#*$%&!?
Biggy: You know what I want, Soprano. I want your territory, your house, your wife, and your daughter. You can keep your @#*$%& son.
Tony: (DRAWING GUN) You want the first bullet through your head or through your @#*$%& @#*$%&!?
Although the Bigfoot is a relative newcomer to dramatic TV roles, he is by no means a newcomer to show business. His resume includes years of work in community theater. He has also worked as a street musician, a mime at several Renaissance Fairs, a fire-eater and as a juggler for spare change in the park.
In preparation for his first major dramatic role, Bigfoot has been studying with famed Hollywood acting coach Miles Duvalier. He is also watching many classic gangster films, studying the stars' techniques.
"I especially admire the early work of George Raft, Edward G. Robinson, and Humphrey Bogart," reveals the Bigfoot. "And more recently, I learned a lot from observing Brando in The Godfather and Pacino in Scarface."
As this next season will most likely be the final one for The Sopranos, there is talk of spinning Bigfoot off into his own series. "I'd love to do something light -- perhaps a sitcom," the Bigfoot confides. "Maybe one where I play the dad. And if Kirstie Alley is available to play my wife -- she's the perfect size for me."
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging
Dude, this could totally happen: