Dear Pope Benedict XVI,
Right off the bat, let me congratulate you on getting yourself elected pope and tell you how glad I am you won. Mainly 'cause I had 50 bucks riding on you!
(snip)
Your holiness, I've taken the liberty of sending you eight of my best ideas for fixing the Catholic church. Act on them pronto, sir. You look about 6 months younger than the pope who just kicked the bucket, so there's no time to waste.
1. Bring back those oldfashioned "penguin suits" for nuns. Folks oughta be able to take one look at your holy ladies and know they're not just Plain Janes whose mamas never taught 'em about makeup. And while you're at it, give them the go-ahead to start whacking uppity brats with rulers again.
2. Start going medieval on those pedophile priests. Drag up all the old torture devices from the Spanish Inquisition, like the rack and the Iron Maiden, from the Vatican basement, dust 'em off -- and wipe that scum off the face of the Earth.
3.Teach priests Irish accents. Anyone who's seen old-time movies with stars like the late, great Barry Fitzgerald as padres knows that heartwarming "top of the morning to you" stuff is essential.
4. Replace all altar boys with altar girls -- ages 18 and up. That'll discourage boy-crazy fruitcakes from becoming priests. Shorten the altar girls robes to show a little thigh and I betcha that'll double church attendance in no time flat.
5.Priests need better costumes -- so replace robes with black leather jackets. Make the outfits cool enough and I guarantee you, plenty of Italian youths will dream of getting ordained instead of becoming "made men."
6.Let parishioners vote on saints by a show of hands. Mind you, sometimes you'll get goofy ones like "Saint Di" and maybe even "Saint Oprah" when Ol' Tubby is pushing up daisies. But let ordinary folks get in on the excitement and Mass will soon be as popular as American Idol.
[The last two were kinda mediocre]
Rush Limbaugh was detained for about 3 1/2 hours at Palm Beach International Airport after authorities said they found a bottle of Viagra in his possession without a prescription.The 55-year-old radio commentator's luggage was examined by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement after his private plane landed at the airport around 2 p.m. from the Dominican Republic, said Paul Miller, spokesman for the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office.
ICE officials found in Limbaugh's luggage a prescription bottle labeled as Viagra, a prescription drug that treats erectile disfunction, Miller said.
(snip)
"The problem was that on the bottle itself was not his name, but the name of two Florida doctors," Miller said.
(snip)
"We believe there may be a second degree misdemeanor violation, which is possession of certain drugs without a prescription, because the bottle does not have his name on it," Miller said.
A doctor had prescribed the drug, but it was "labeled as being issued to the physician rather than Mr. Limbaugh for privacy purposes," Roy Black, Limbaugh's attorney, said in a statement.
Last month, Limbaugh reached a deal with prosecutors who had accused the conservative talk-show host of illegally deceiving multiple doctors to receive overlapping pain pill prescriptions. Under the deal, a single charge commonly referred to as "doctor shopping" would be dismissed after 18 months if he complies with terms that include submitting to random drug tests and continuing treatment for his acknowledged addiction to painkillers.
I wonder if this would be considered a violation of his deal, or if it has to be painkillers? Assuming that it really is just Viagra, which would be more embarrassing than anything else. In any sane world, any moral standing he had left would be utterly demolished. But we live in a world in which Bill O'Reilly and Jack Burkman are still lucratively employed.
Saddam Hussein believes the United States will have to seek his help to quell the bloody insurgency in Iraq and open the way for U.S. forces to withdraw, his chief lawyer said Sunday.Khalil al-Dulaimi argued in an interview with The Associated Press that the former leader is the key to returning stability to Iraq.
''He's their last resort. They're going to knock at his door eventually,'' the lawyer said. Saddam is ''the only person who can stop the resistance against the U.S. troops.''
(snip)
Al-Dulaimi said Saddam brought up the topic during a meeting Tuesday, and indicated he would be willing to help the United States -- ''for the sake of saving both peoples -- the Iraqis and Americans.''
He quoted Saddam as saying:
''These puppets in the Iraqi government that the Americans brought to power are helpless. They can't protect themselves or the Iraqi people. The Americans will certainly come to me, to Saddam Hussein's legitimate leadership and to the Iraqi Baath Party, to rescue them from their huge quandary.''
Although he would not say exactly what Saddam might ask in return for helping, al-Dulaimi said it would not necessarily involve being reinstated as president of Iraq -- a nation he ruled brutally and plunged into three devastating wars.
(snip)
Saddam predicted Iraq would ''flourish within five years,'' saying that was the time that would be needed for reconstruction that would transform the country into the envy of the region, the lawyer said.
(snip)
The Bush administration should recognize the ''hard reality'' that the U.S. invasion of Iraq delivered the mostly secular Arab nation into the hands of Shiites strongly sympathetic to their larger Iranian neighbor, the lawyer said.
''Iran is the enemy of Arabs, Islam and the United States, and the only person who can stand in the face of Iran is Saddam Hussein,'' he said.
You know, I think if they ever met and sat down and had a nice long talk, Bush would look into Saddam's soul and recognize a kindred spirit. They both hate Iran, they both have the same slippery, optimistic grip on reality, and they both have very similar ideas about ruling governing.
CNN has now picked up today's Times's story saying that the top commander of forces in Iraq projects troop drawdowns through 2007 -- in stark contrast to the GOP's stay-the-course position. And guess what?This speaks directly to the fundamental importance of the media, and the control thereof. It's not just that the media controls the message and the spin of the news, but it controls the very perception of reality, and even memory itself. Think about this story for a second. Sargent is essentially saying that if the media doesn't remind its readers and viewers that the Republican position has been staunchly anti-cut-and-run right up until this very day, that they'll forget, or maybe believe that they misremembered.In the CNN story there is no mention whatsoever of the fact that the primary message of the Republican Party over the past week, delivered by party leaders and elected officials alike in every media forum imaginable, was that anyone calling for a timetable for withdrawal was embracing "retreat" and "surrender."
And get this: The story doesn't even mention at all that the GOP's official position has been squarely against troop drawdowns, let alone mention that the Republicans relentlessly smeared anyone who was for them. The only hint of this comes at the very end of the story, where it vaguely notes that the "Senate" last week rejected calls for troop withdrawals, without specifying that this has overwhelmingly been the GOP's position. Meanwhile, the only mention that Dems have been demanding troop drawdowns comes in the second-to-last sentence.
(snip)
This is startling journalistic negligence, and it's gonna be important to keep an eye out for more of the same. More broadly, if coverage of the evolving troop drawdown debate continues to omit crucial political context, it could enable the GOP to cynically muddy the waters on Iraq and confuse voters until they lose sight of the reality of the situation, which is that Dems overwhelmingly favor a change of course in Iraq, while Republicans simply aren't serious about finding a way out of the catastrophic mess they made.
Dear Senator Specter,I'll probably tinker with it a bit more before I send it, but that's the general gist of it. I just had to get it out of my system.
I read with interest your question, or perhaps lament, asking why it takes a newspaper investigation to get the Bush administration to comply with the law, and I have an answer for you.The answer is you, Senator Specter. You are the reason that this administration flouts the law on a regular, ongoing basis.
Every time the NSA or the CIA or any other government agency, or President Bush himself, is exposed as doing something illegal, you make a big show of questioning it, or saying that it is “troubling”, or even holding hearings to get to the bottom of it. And then you fold. You always fold. Instead of holding the administration accountable for the illegal actions you decry, in the end you seek ways to whitewash them, or even to make them legal. What incentive does the administration have to abide by the Constitution and the laws of the land if they know that the chair of the Senate Judiciary Committee is going to give them a free pass every time?
You do not get to throw up your hands and ask why this is happening. It is happening because you, the Constitution’s principal guardian in the Senate, allow it to happen. For the sake of all of us, for the sake of your own self-respect, for the sake of this country of ours and the Constitution that makes it great, I beg you to please take a good, long, hard look in the mirror. Run your fingers along your back and get reacquainted with your spine. For if you do not start to take your responsibilities seriously, you will go down in history as the man who let the rule of law slip away, the man who allowed America to devolve from a great democracy into a third-rate dictatorship. Is that really what you want as your legacy? To be remembered as the man who betrayed American democracy?
I understand that you have an obligation to your party. But your obligation to your country must come first.
Sincerely,
Eli
"Why does it take a newspaper investigation to get them to comply with the law?" [Specter] asked. "That's a big, important point."Because you never do, you posturing, useless, insincere little phony of a manturd. If you would for just once do your job instead of folding every time Cheney or Rove make that little snipping motion in your general direction, Bush Jr. might actually think twice about wiping his ass on the Constitution every time he messes himself. Jaysus.
The Iraqi government declared a state of emergency in Baghdad after American forces were involved in quelling a firefight in the city's center.
(snip)The state of emergency and curfew imposed today followed a gunfight that broke out as members of the Mahdi Army militia moved in force to escort the radical cleric Moqtada al-Sadr to a Shiite mosque in a Sunni neighborhood. During last week's Friday services, a suicide bomber carrying explosives in his shoes blew himself up in a crowd of worshipers at the Baratha mosque, killing 11 and wounding 25.
Four members of the militia were killed when gunmen opened fire on the Mahdi Army convoy, in fighting involving guns and mortars that left eight of the group's vehicles ablaze, an official with the Interior Ministry said.
Iraqi and American troops rushed to the scene, and three Iraqi police officers and five Iraqi soldiers were wounded in the fighting, Reuters said. Televised images showed American helicopters swooping low to drop flares over the midday battle.
The government responded to the outbreak by ordering a sudden curfew, extending from 2 p.m. today to 6 a.m. Saturday, sending Baghdad residents scrambling to get home in time. Normally, vehicle traffic is banned in the city from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. on Friday, to prevent repetitions of earlier car bomb attacks on the crowds attending Friday services.
The state of emergency includes a ban on carrying weapons and gives Iraqi security forces broader arrest powers, Maj. Gen. Abdul-Aziz Mohamed Jassim of the Defense Ministry said, The Associated Press reported.
"The state of emergency and curfew came in the wake of today's clashes to let the army work freely to chase militants and to avoid casualties among civilians," he said, adding that security forces will arrest people carrying weapons and will shoot them if they appear to pose a danger.
Tell me again how an ultra-secret surprise visit by Bush proves that the Iraqi occupation/experiment is a smashing success. Tell me again how peace and democracy and standing-down is just around the corner. Tell me again what objective our troops are getting killed for.
The classic spider's web, like Charlotte would have woven, was invented just once, way back in the Cretaceous period some 136 million years ago, scientists report.On the other hand, I think jumping spiders are kinda cute...Called an orb web, it's the generally circular style spun by two major types of spiders, which had raised the possibility of the two groups evolving this form separately.
But a paper in Friday's issue of the journal Science says a comparison of the spider genes related to web making shows that the orb web developed just once.
(snip)While the two groups probably developed orb-web spinning from a common ancestor, they came up with different ways of making the web catch prey.
Araneoid webs have glue droplets that make prey stick to the web, while deinopoids wrap their threads with a different type of silk fiber that ''the spiders comb, until it almost has the appearance of Velcro under a microscope, and they snag insects that way,'' Garb reported.
The Senate on Wednesday defeated a proposal pushed by Democrats that would have given some of the lowest-paid hourly workers a boost in their wages for the first time in nearly a decade.This is yet another one of those slimy, pro-corporate votes that Democrats should be hanging around Republicans' necks in 2006. They need to find a way to get this in the faces of poor, minimum-wage Republican voters (I'm betting there's more than a few) and make them understand that it's the Republicans keeping them down, not the Mexicans.A majority of the Senate, 52 senators, voted in favor of incrementally raising the federal minimum wage -- unchanged since 1997 -- 40 percent from $5.15 an hour to $7.25 by January 1, 2009.
But the measure needed 60 votes to win under a procedural agreement worked out earlier.
(snip)
[Senator Edward] Kennedy acknowledged to reporters that it will be "pretty difficult'' to win a minimum wage increase this year. He said the pay raise for about 7 million workers and their families would be a top priority if Democrats win control of the Senate in November's elections.
(snip)
Kennedy also chastised Republican leaders for blocking a minimum wage increase while pursuing repeal of the estate tax, which mostly helps the wealthy, and taking "plenty of time to debate flag burning. I don't know the last time a flag was burned in my state of Massachusetts,'' Kennedy said.
If for garbage can derive perverse satisfaction from from onlooker, then widow toward carpet tack panics.for submarine dance with labyrinth inside satellite.A few cigars, and bullfrog about senator) to arrive at a state of food stampFurthermore, anomaly related to demon panics, and toward cigar share a shower with oil filter from warranty.Furthermore, swamp living with debutante hibernates, and toward inferiority complex reach an understanding with dahlia from hockey player.Furthermore, related to tuba player beams with joy, and mastadon near roller coaster confess clodhopper for food stamp.
SAN FRANCISCO -- The Golden Gate Bridge is one of the most recognizable and economically vital spans in the nation. So it was not surprising when the U.S. Office of Homeland Security (OHS) discovered the bridge listed on a terrorist memo of potential targets. However, working with the San Francisco Police Department, the OHS has devised a plan to keep the bridge safe. "We've hired 25 young, beautiful women willing to remove all their clothing and station themselves at strategic points on and approaching the bridge," explained San Francisco Police Public Information Officer Bruce Onder."Hopefully, that will keep religious radicals from coming near the structure."(snip)Operation Bust Attacks, as the project has been named, is scheduled to begin within the next two weeks. Are any problems anticipated?"Oh, we imagine we'll get some complaints from the Religious Right and from parents of small children," responded Onder. "But it's the 'new normal' so they'll just have to cover some eyes and deal with it."If Operation Bust Attacks is a success, arrangements will immediately be made to have naked women stationed at the Statue of Liberty, Mount Rushmore, the Alamo and Independence Hall.
Applying technology used for inspecting semiconductor wafers for defects, BrighTex developed the Clarity Pro facial image scanner, which claims to identify bacteria-clogging pores, show where wrinkles are forming and identify skin damage caused by the sun.Part of me is appalled, part of me thinks this is... kinda cool. On the one hand, I really can't diss anything that could help fight skin cancer or even acne. On the other hand, this looks like a huge cash cow for the cosmetic industry, which would make all kinds of money exploiting vain wrinklephobes desperate to stamp out any signs of aging before they hatch.
(snip)
BrighTex, a San Jose, Calif.-based start-up, hopes to create a cheaper version for home use. Someday, the company even envisions its technology being built into cellphones or laptops so consumers can get an analysis of their skin on the go.
(snip)''We have developed algorithms which can recognize features and shapes and the significance of things before something develops fully,'' says Chhibber. ''When it's in the 5 percent stage, we can tell what it will turn into.'' That means the product can tell if a wrinkle just starting to form will turn into a deep wrinkle or a fine line.
After taking a white light and UV image of a person's face, that image is entered into a software program to detect damage. In the case of clogged pores, Clarity Pro can identify what type of bacteria is in the pores and predict where acne will form.
For sun damage, the facial scanner can tell how much damage is under the skin, how long a person can stay in sun before the skin is damaged more and forecast the chances of a person getting skin cancer due to harmful UV rays.
Chhibber, who founded the company in January 2005, comes from a semiconductor background and said the leap from detecting defects in wafers to defects in faces wasn't that big. ''To me inspecting a face or a wafer is very similar,'' he says, since in both cases you have to look for the tiniest of defects. [I hear the "Wafer Look" is in this season.]
Clarity Pro can also be used to monitor the progress of a particular facial cream to see if it is reducing wrinkles or improving sun damage. For the cosmetics field, Chhibber says a future product will be targeted toward research and development departments and may result in better creams and lotions.
Scientists have used stem cells and a soup of nerve-friendly chemicals to not just bridge a damaged spinal cord but actually regrow the circuitry needed to move a muscle, helping partially paralyzed rats walk.Years of additional research is needed before such an experiment could be attempted in people.
But the work marks a tantalizing new step in stem cell research that promises to one day help repair damage from nerve-destroying illnesses such as Lou Gehrig's disease, or from spinal cord injuries.
(snip)
The Hopkins experiment isn't the first to use stem cells to help paralyzed rodents move. But previous work bridged damage inside the spinal cord that blocked nerve cells from delivering their ''move'' messages to muscles, sort of like fixing the circuit that brings electricity to a fan.
The new work essentially installs new wiring: replacing motor neurons -- specialized nerve cells for movement -- that have died to make a new circuit that grows neuronal connections out of the spinal cord and down to a leg muscle.
(snip)
...The paralysis wasn't completely gone, but six months after treatment, 11 of the 15 animals could bear weight, take steps and push away with the affected leg.
Of the roughly 4,000 new motor neurons generated in the rats' spinal cords, about 120 reached the muscle, and 50 were electrically active, further testing showed.
The next step, to start this summer: Redoing the experiment in pigs, to see if new neurons can be enticed to grow connections over the longer distances needed to reach from a pig's spinal cord to its leg.
Let's see how long Bush's policy of only funding research on existing stem cell lines holds up when people see a cure for paralysis on the horizon. It's even more awkward when you consider how many paraplegics and quadriplegics Bush has single-handedly created with his unnecessary war.
On the other hand, those wheelchairs are mighty comfortable...
Mayor Bloomberg had the opening he needed - just enough face time with President Bush yesterday so he could grill him about the city's 40% slash in anti-terror funding.Instead, Bloomberg blinked.There were no tough questions when the two met briefly at Kennedy Airport - merely a handshake, some pleasantries and a courteous exchange about the city's Homeland Security Department funding slight.Makes me want to move back right now, knowing that the city has such courageous and determined leadership.Interestingly, there's another Bloomberg quote in there where he basically says he's trying to help the president out in his popularity slump, which suggests that he might want to call in a favor. But he doesn't seem interested in actually doing so, except for a vague plea to make the pie higher. Strange.
(snip)
"I did thank him for his efforts to make all homeland security moneys ... distributed based on risk...."And while I wish the pot was bigger, and that is something that he has some control over, then, it really gets down to the House and the Senate, and that's where we've got to make our case," Bloomberg said.
(snip)
Asked why the mayor didn't ask the President to restore the 40% cut, Stu Loeser, his spokesman, said, "When the mayor raised the issue of distributing homeland security funding based on risk, it was clear exactly what the reference was."Bloomberg has previously said he has little expectation that the 40% cut will be restored.
(snip)
Bloomberg confirmed yesterday that he and NYPD Commissioner Raymond Kelly received a classified report in 2003 about a terrorist plot to use homemade cyanide bombs in the city subways.... adding that the plot is evidence why New York needs a larger share of the homeland security budget.
Afterward, the ever-quotable Anna held an impromptu press conference in which she gloated about the Revenge of the Bensons and offered the Mets an adult salve to soothe the wounds of losing to Kris, the pitcher they dumped. Her proposal probably only reinforced the Mets' feeling they were right to trade the whole family.
"I am feeling generous," she said. "I was going to offer to send a case of K-Y Jelly down to the Mets' clubhouse. For as many guys prepared to use it. Give me a number."
Niiiiice. I also remember when she vowed to sleep with every single one of Kris's teammates if he ever cheated on her.
Former Enron Corp. President Jeffrey Skilling says he contemplated suicide after his company crumbled and authorities began to ratchet up legal pressure on him.Life can be so cruel and unfair. And, well, kind of icky.
(snip)
Skilling, 52, said he sought psychiatric help but was only able to emerge from a deep, two-year malaise after his 2004 indictment in which he was charged with conspiracy, fraud and insider trading, among other counts.
(snip)
During those couple of years of depression, Skilling said he turned into a recluse, retreating to his mansion in an upscale part of Houston, where he lingered in bed and obsessively followed coverage of the scandal.
(snip)
Skilling also said he endured two weeks in the Utah wilderness, hiking 30 miles a day, to prepare for the exhausting trial. During that time, he ate caterpillars and worms.
You've got an ergonomic workspace but after several pressure-filled hours in your chair you still feel tense at the end of the workday. Not anymore! With the USB Massage Ball you can keep yourself relaxed with a soothing massage anytime. Just plug the Massage Ball into an available USB port, click it on and massage your tension away. The ball provides a surprisingly strong vibration and the textured surface helps you reach deep into tired muscles. Finally, a really great use for USB!Yes, finally someone has harnessed the awesome power of USB technology, after years of pissing around with printers and scanners and external drives. On the other hand, the USB Massage Ball certainly does open up some... possibilities that an optical mouse just can't compete with.
