MANHATTAN, N.Y.--The mermaid Azura surprised the Clean Seas Institute by announcing her people's extreme displeasure with the anti-pollution group's activities.
"Pollution provides the basis of many Mer-technologies," she said. "You know, we still haven't discovered fire down there."
She explained that the sea-people rely on "reverse-archaeology," wherein advanced societies' artifacts rain from above for use in mer-civilization.
"Your license plates accelerated our development of literacy, and your soda-can rings provided our first currency," she said.
"Abandoned cans and fishing lines have given us telecommunications," she went on.
Weakened by her sojourn on dry land, Azura accepted no questions before leaving the bewildered activists.
"We're used to resistance from big business," said Walter Hargen, a spokesman for Clean Seas. "But to be reprimanded by the fish themselves--that's taken the wind out of our sails."
Clearly, we all have some hard thinking to do.
In political news, the WWN is reporting that Hillary has named Bigfoot as her running mate, but I'm very skeptical - she hasn't even been nominated yet.