CARAVAN, Calif. -- A gypsy curse has transformed conservative Supreme Court justices into liberals, leaving GOP leaders howling like werewolves.Kurt Krewcut. Heh.
"This is obviously a huge blow to the party, not to mention the United States of America," said North Carolina Republican Senator Kurt Krewcut, 56. "Those lifetime liberal justices could hand down decisions that'll have us living in the land of the 'freak' and the home of the 'bong.'"
The curse came about after the Supreme Court ruled against a band of gypsies. The Romanian expatriates were suing the city of Caravan, Calif., for discrimination and harassment.
"I could see several of those justices looking down their noses at us in court," said Syeira Purrum, 82. "After the verdict, I stood up and said, 'Many of you have no hearts. Well tomorrow they will bleed.' "
Purrum was taken into custody by police who mistook her comments as a death threat. Her words took on a different meaning, however, when staunch conservative justices awoke the next morning as "bleeding heart" liberals.
Following a brief panic and prayer sessions, Republicans have been seeking to win favor with the gypsies, making frequent visits to camps across the country and handing out 'We are the Gypsy's Own Party' buttons.
Quick to adapt, GOP strategists are looking beyond this crisis to seek out other groups associated with magic and spells, such as witches and wizards.
"Just think of it," said Krewcut. "Spells that turn African- Americans into whites, make gays become straight and transform liberal slime into hardworking, God-fearing Republicans.
"We'd make a deal with the Devil himself if that hadn't worked out so badly for us with Dick Nixon."
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging
Oh, would that it were so...