Pa-Fed-ic

On my overall "People I Respect" rankings, Kevin "K-Fed" Spears, er, Federline is way down near the bottom, maybe a notch or two below Paris Hilton and a notch or two above Kobe Bryant.

So, naturally I enjoyed the rather choice mockery from the NY Daily News's Lowdown gossip column:

A track titled "Y'all Ain't Ready" - from Mr. Britney Spears' as-yet-unreleased hip-hop album - has hit the World Wide Web.

In the song, the 27-year-old father of three boasts about his status-heavy marriage, his notoriety and his sales ambitions, and even demands that we call him, well, "Daddy."

To wit: "Back then they called me K-Fed/ But you can call me Daddy instead."

Over a crude beat, Daddy raps: "Go ahead and say whatcha wanna/ I'm gonna sell about 2 mil, oh, then I'm a goner ... I know you all wish you was in my position/Cause I keep gettin' in situations that you wish you was in, cousin ... Steppin' in this game and y'all ain't got a clue ... Getting anxious? Go take a peep/ I'm starrin' in your magazines now every day and week ... But maybe baby you can wait and see/ Until then all these Pavarottis followin' me."

To be fair, "paparazzi" is a very difficult word to pronounce if you're an unemployed backup dancer from Fresno.

Daddy's debut was greeted by a chorus of scathing reviews.

"That's not hot," wrote one Internet critic. "My ears are bleeding," noted another. "You're sure this isn't something off Vanilla Ice's 'Hard to Swallow' album?" asks a third. "I'm about ready to start shaving stripes in my eyebrows."

Neither reps for Daddy nor, for that matter, Mommy - who reportedly laughed derisively when she heard the track - responded to Lowdown's detailed messages.

I think the last paragraph is my favorite.

Yes. Yes, it is. That, and calling photographers "Pavarottis." BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!